Don't Go
by JohnnyCade4EVR
Summary: *"INFINITY WAR" SPOILERS AHEAD FULL DESCRIPTION INSIDE* A scene from "Infinity War" from both Tony Stark's and Peter Parker's point of view. Rated T for too much depression... and mild language. Just to be safe.
1. Tony

So Infinity War probably crushed your soul enough, but if you happen to be in the mood for some more devastation, take a peak at this fic of Peter's "death" from Tony's POV first, then Peter's. Enjoy...?

 ***A/N Boy, it's been a while. I'm back! Even though I normally write in past, this is written in present tense because past tense just doesn't make sense. Everything happens so fast and their emotions and thoughts are changing every second so I wanted to sort of capture that and show how they'd be thinking and feeling in "real" time. There're a lot of italicized lines because this is very dramatic and Tony is kind of freaking out and he's angry and scared so he's emphasizing a lot due to such strong emotions at play (sorry if it bothers you). I was originally not going to write one from Peter's POV, but then I read one and I was like sure so here we are, but I think the one from Tony's POV is better idk why. I think his character is a lot more complicated in this sense because of his vision from (I think)** _ **Age of Ultron**_ **and his relationship with his own father so he tries to do his best by Peter (as much as I would love to think of Peter and Tony's relationship being that strong, I really don't think it is during** _**Infinity War**_ **. That being said, I do think Tony really does care for Peter, as I believe you will find out in this fic). Some things are slightly different between the 2 POVs intentionally because they** _ **are**_ **different people so yeah they'd probably interpret stuff a little differently. Scrolling through search results I realized there are a ton of these already so if my ideas seem like anyone else's, I'm sorry. There's just no way I could read them all haha so I hope you like it, but if you don't, please let me know why or even if you do I'd love to hear your feedback :)**

"Mr. Stark?"

Peter's voice sounds different. It's shaky and uncertain, not like his usual cocky, smart-aleck tone. He sounds afraid, though I can't say I blame him. I turn to him. He's looking at the ground with an expression that matches his voice.

"I don't feel so good."

A cold feeling washes over me so suddenly I'm unable to think of anything decent to say. "You're alright," I blurt without thinking. Because he is, isn't he? He has to be. No, it can't be Peter, this isn't happening, it didn't happen, we can't lose. I'm imagining things. Maybe Thanos did kill me. That's it, I'm dead. Strange never gave up the Time Stone, they're fighting on without me. Yeah. Sure.

Peter sways slightly on his feet. I thought he would be safe, the others went so much faster. I thought after everyone else was gone that he would be fine. He should be fine. Maybe he's just freaking out. But then I see little flakes of ash floating away from where his toes should be.

I shouldn't have let him come. I was supposed to protect him. I tried, didn't I? I told him to go home, I gave him the suit to save him, it's not like I asked him to come…

He speaks and there's panic rising in his voice. "I donno- I don't know what's happening." He stumbles towards me. "I don't understand what's-!"

He trips as his feet turn to dust and I have to catch him before he hits the ground. I need a moment to think, but I'm afraid that's all I have. I want to help him. I want to tell him we can still defeat Thanos, tell him we can still win, tell him anything that might comfort him. His sagging frame suddenly shifts and he's clinging to me around the shoulders as tight as he can (boy, is he still strong) and he's begging me, oh God-

"I don't want to go. I don't want to go, sir, please. Please."

The kid is pleading with me and I'm just standing there totally silent like a real genius. He probably thinks I'm a terrific mentor right now. But what the hell do you say to a fifteen-year-old kid that might be dying in your arms on some distant planet? Got nothing? Yeah, I thought so.

He's crying now, Tony, get a grip!

I feel Peter starting to fall from my embrace and I try to keep him up, God, I try, but I'm beginning not to trust my own legs to support me. Some mentor I am. Jesus. He's the one dying, he's the kid here and I can't even say anything. He looks up to me, he was counting on me.

I make up my mind right then. I will kill Thanos. And I'm gonna kill that Quill for getting in the way. Peter had the damn thing off his hand, for Christsake! I will get that gauntlet and I will fix everything. I'm an Avenger, dammit, so I'm going to fix this.

I wish there was nothing I had to fix. I wish I was home with Pepper (oh God, is she okay?). I wish Peter stayed on the bus and went to the MOMA and never got on the spaceship and never came to this planet and I wish he wasn't dying in my arms.

But mostly I wish it was me. I wish Thanos had killed me and Strange hadn't given him the Time Stone… but what did he mean "there was no other way"? This really doesn't seem like the outcome when we win. Thanos has all the stones and everyone is dying and now he can- I don't even care. That's not the most important thing right now. The fear in Peter's voice is ripping my heart out and I can only think about how much I wish it wasn't him. Would this still have happened if he had never become Spider-Man?

I just don't know what to do. He's still talking and that would be some kind of reassuring if what he was saying didn't hurt so much.

"I don't want to go. I don't want to go."

Stop saying that. Stop saying that and I'll help you, just be quiet so I can think.

I still can't make myself say anything.

The pain in my side is still persisting, but it seems dull and unimportant. Nevertheless, I can't hold Peter up any longer and we fall to the ground with a grunt. I avoid looking down because I know his legs are starting to disintegrate and I can't think about that.

Focus on his eyes, Tony.

He's staring up at the sky which seems so different from the one we're used to and I wonder what he's thinking, but I also don't want to know because I know his thoughts are filled with fear and pain and I want it to stop I want to help him how do I help him!?

Some superhero I am.

He's taking in ragged, shuddery breaths and I don't let go of him, I won't let go of him even though I know that won't help, but as long as I feel him I know he's still here and maybe he feels the same way.

Good Lord, say something, you idiot! Peter is scared and dying, tell him SOMEthing! What should I say? What does he want to hear? Is this all my fault? Should I apologize? Would that just scare him?

Before I can even decide if that's a good idea or not, he takes the words right out of my mouth. Peter looks me right in the eye, a sheen of tears shining in the strange lighting, and says, "I'm sorry."

There are a thousand things I want to say to that (of course now I think of something), most admittedly not too comforting like "I told you you shouldn't be here" or "You screwed the pooch again, didn't you?" or "Now you apologize? After all the times you messed up you apologize for doing something right?", but I don't get a chance to tell him any of that. I can't manage a sound before he's turned to dust in my arms and my hands drop to the ground.

The truth is he really didn't mess up. He did the best he could and he really was helping. Why couldn't I have told him that?

I look at my empty palms. I'm the one who screwed the pooch. This is on me. The sight and feeling of the dust on my hands disgusts me, the dust of a teenage boy that had better things to do than die in a war he was never supposed to be a part of. Panic is creeping up on me and I brush my hands off hurriedly to avoid it as best I can.

I turn away from where Peter was, where Peter should be and bring my shaking hands to my mouth, trying to maintain some degree of calm despite hearing my heartbeat pounding in my ears. I close my eyes, breathing deeply. Wanda's vision has come true.

That's it.

He's gone.

We've lost.

I've lost.


	2. Peter

***Congratulations! You made it! Just in case you aren't depressed enough, here it is from Peter's POV :) ***

I've been trying to pretend I'm not as confused as I am this whole time. I'm not even totally sure what these "infinity stone" things are that we're trying to protect, but I really don't understand why Dr. Strange or whatever his real name is gave the purple guy the green one after he said he'd let me and Mr. Stark die for it. Everyone seems pretty concerned about the stones, but no one has explained to me why.

I think Mr. Stark may have been right (again); I probably didn't think this through.

Nothing is really making sense. I can tell even Mr. Stark isn't quite sure what to do. After I saved the creepy alien chick and the big blue dude, the purple guy left. Now we're all left on this planet and I don't think any of us have a plan anymore.

The other Peter sort of ruined our last plan. Man, I had the glove thingy off! Mr. Stark actually needed me and the one time I wouldn't have let him down, Star God or whoever came and wrecked it.

But what does all this mean?

I should have stayed on the bus. I wonder how much of a difference I've even made. What would have happened if I didn't stow away?

I try to remind myself this is a serious situation and I run over the events in my mind. I was on the bus when I saw the spaceship, I saved the wizard, got a really awesome new suit, stowed away on the ship, met some aliens, fought a giant purple maniac, and now the maniac is gone and he has what he wants from us. I don't know what planet we're on, but it doesn't seem like we have any reason to stay.

I'm about to ask Mr. Stark what we should do next when the alien chick says, "Something is happening."

We all turn to look at her, waiting for her to give us answers, but right before our eyes she disintegrates. The rest of us stand in a stunned silence. I can't believe what I'm seeing. She turned to _dust_. Just like that. I find that my jaw has gone loose. I don't know what to say, but I'm overcome with emotions, mainly confusion.

Not a ten seconds later, the big blue guy crumbles too.

 _What the hell is happening!?_

Mr. Stark turns to the other Peter. "Steady, Quill," as if maybe that will stop the unstoppable.

"Oh, man," is his quiet reply as he too turns to ash.

"Tony," Strange's voice comes from behind us. I had almost forgotten he was there. He's a wizard maybe he can-

"There was no other way." And he's gone.

I look at the blue cyborg lady. She has a hard look on her face. I want to ask her what happened, but I can't form the words. I'm so confused and scared, I think I might throw up. They completely just… _poof_!

Mr. Stark is facing away from me, but I can tell by how still he is that he's seriously contemplating what just happened.

I feel the worst sensation come over me. It's like nothing I've ever felt. My stomach has turned to ice. I feel hot and cold, numb and tingly, light-headed but my feet are made of lead. You know when you feel like someone is looking over your shoulder or watching you but you don't know where they are? It's sort of like that, except intensified a million times. I'm unspeakably terrified all of a sudden for no apparent reason. My chest feels tight and breathing becomes a task that I've forgotten how to perform.

I feel sick and cold and confused and sweaty and shaky and freezing and numb and-

"Mr. Stark?"

 _Scared_. What is this feeling? Maybe it's shock. _Please let it just be shock._ There's a lot I know Mr. Stark hasn't told me, but we haven't really had the time for explanations. He'll tell me what's going on, he'll know what to do. I need him to. I don't want to feel this alone.

I see him turn around even though I don't take my eyes off the ground. I know I'm supposed to be strong right now, prove that I'm worthy of being here and being an Avenger, but I'm so scared. How can I explain this feeling? It probably doesn't matter if I seem tough, but I don't know how to describe it and I find my mouth forming words without my brain's contribution.

"I don't feel so good."

I make eye contact with him now. I don't know what I was expecting to see on his face, but his usual bravado has given way to total desperation. It doesn't comfort me the way I'd hoped it would.

"You're alright." His tone betrays his expression as he sounds completely calm and confident (though I wonder if he's trying to convince himself more than me).

I want to believe him. I want to trust what he's saying, but-

"I donno- I don't know what's happening." Because I don't, do I? I looked down at my hands. They were still there. If I was gonna disappear too, it would have happened by now, right? The others didn't have time for more than a few words...

I can see he's almost as afraid as I am, but I take stumbling steps closer to him because I need to believe he can help me. This sense of dread is unbearable. If I reach him, he can take me away from it, he can make it better, he can-

"Save me!"

I lurch forward and he catches me roughly. My toes have started to tingle.

I know now. It's not shock.

I'm next.

 _Oh God._

A new sense of panic grips me so tightly, I cling to Mr. Stark as if that will loosen its grasp. He's my lifeline. Maybe if I hold onto him tight enough, death won't be able to pull me away. If only I could reverse the inevitable.

"I don't want to go. I don't want to go, sir, please. Please!"

I don't care how pathetic I sound anymore. I'm about to _die_. I feel it so strong that I can't do anything but beg which I know at this point is useless.

Mr. Stark's hold on me is firm but far from reassuring. My head feels foggy but heavy and I'm dizzy and I can't keep myself up because-

"I don't want to go. I don't want to go!"

My legs have gone completely numb and I'm crying and now even Mr. Stark can't keep his balance.

The ground feels hard and fuzzy at the same time and the sky is such a weird color. My hands are numb.

Mr. Stark doesn't let go of me and the expression on his face doesn't change. Is he as confused as I am? Why isn't he saying anything? Did he know this would happen? Is that why he didn't want me to come? I should have stayed on the damn bus. Ned knows where I went but he doesn't _really_ know and May… God, May thinks I went to the MOMA she's gonna be so worried will she even know? Will anyone tell her? Is she gone too? I should have listened to Mr. Stark, he's only ever tried his best by me and look how I repay him: I'm dying in his arms on a planet I can't name and he isn't saying anything although I wish he would but the look on his face says everything.

I look him directly in the eye. "I'm sorry," I tell him confidently, though I can't manage anything more than a whisper.

I can't feel much of anything now, but I know Mr. Stark hasn't let go.

Panic creeps up on me again as I look up, away from my mentor, and I think I might cry out, but-


End file.
